In the full moon's light I listen to the breeze

March 11, 2007


I really hate it when i try to convince my self that i’m ok being alone…

nights ago…there i was sitting like a homeless lad on our balcony, doin my favorite past time…watching the full moon…

i was alone back then, and i thought it was ok… but the truth is, i’m not…

years back, i had this extreme addiction of self mutilation when i feel lonely, when i’m alone, when i’m sad… it was sort of trying to bring out my depression…trying to mask the inner pain with the pain on my skin… i know it wasn’t good nor normal but i kept on doin it because it makes me feel rather good…God… it wasnt normal, it’s beyond it actually.

i’m just thankful nowadays that i don’t have to scutter around lookin for a razor to cut my self… it was a scarry habit….yep, it was indeed….

goin back nights ago, i was literally alone… and i’m not used to be like that…noone to talk to, nobody to tell crazy stories…just me,alone..and the full moon… and it makes me think…where’s that damn razor…and i told my self “oh no! not again! no!”… i sent sms to some friends, trying to tell them i nid company…a few picked my signal (damn smart telecom for faulty system!!!)… thankfully…i fell asleep…never remembering nor putting into action what my crazy mind is telling me to do….

sigh*…what would be the next time that i’d be alone….

that’s why when i tell you i need company, damn i really need a company….i really need it…

From a Certain Page of a Journal

(March 1, 2007)

when everything was still down, when everything felt empty, when things weren’t the same…the times when i was just sittin around, staring blankly ahead and finding the right words to say…

persons come and go in our lives…sometimes
some are wastes of time while some are really worth
keeping..sometimes you’ll know when you got
the right chemistry even if you’ll meet for the
first time… some people tend to misjudge you
while some,oh well, got the motto “the hell i
care?”…some of those you’ll meet will
eventually be gone,save those few moments
you had with him… some stay, even if not for a
lifetime, but they tend to stick around…and
that’s what sometimes we tend to ignore..the
person who’s beside you right now…what’s the
point? hey! learn to value him,be thankful for
having him…spend a little time with him.. you’ll
never know,when he’s gone that you’ll actually
realize you want him beside you….

sigh* sad fact sometimes that is things aren’t permanent…in due time we have just have to bear the bitterness and the pain and let go…slowly..hard it is but what can we do? just lay around,reminisce the time you spent together? ouch…painful isn’t it…

heather headley’s song had this to say:  i wish i could go back to the day before we met and skip my regrets…

but then… let go…

and so to thee:

try looking at the things & persons beside
you, are you damn sure they’re for real?

but hey… thanks a lot for all those wonderful things we had…i could not ask for more than your happiness…

thank you…

(lifted from the pages of some certain journal….

The pioneer (i think) of networking sites is going to have an upgrade. In lieu with this I'm transferring my blog entries from there to here, which I have been thinking of doing these past days.

So the next entries are old ones. I'm gonna post the dates they were made as well.

Everything started here.....

Back in 1998, I was sitting around minding my own business during the Catechism Day when I was suddenly pulled up from my seat by my Religious instructor and told me that I am officially made a contestant in the "Find that Bible verse' contest. Well yeah,  like I was sitting there looking dumb and then at"a flick now I'm a contender in some contest I am not familiar with. So what can I do, right?

In the end, I lost but didn't go home empty handed. They gave me a 50-leaves notebook as a consolation (hurray!). Upon arriving home, I scornfully looked at the notebook, at that time thinking of what to do with it. I have already several thick notebooks I used in school, and I don't write down lessons during class that much. I placed it on top of the table next to my mom's bag, and started to walk away but before I could turn my back entirely, a small of what seemed to be a booklet caught my eye pinned under my mom's bag. I inspected the little notebook...About 5" in length,3" wide and 2" thick. It's covered with black leather with colorful linings on the sides. The pages where headed with dates and page numbers. "Ah, a mini diary" I exclaimed to myself and an interest to write about me self rose from within and before you knew it, I picked up my notebook which I previously "won" and the mini one and called out ,"Nay can I have this mini booklet in exchange of my notebook?". I didn't wait for her reply, it's always been a yes to me.


And so the saga of me writing journals started from there....
and how time changes everything.... I had my booklets with me for all those years...now, I have my blog site. Cool, ayt?