In the full moon's light I listen to the breeze

March 11, 2007


I really hate it when i try to convince my self that i’m ok being alone…

nights ago…there i was sitting like a homeless lad on our balcony, doin my favorite past time…watching the full moon…

i was alone back then, and i thought it was ok… but the truth is, i’m not…

years back, i had this extreme addiction of self mutilation when i feel lonely, when i’m alone, when i’m sad… it was sort of trying to bring out my depression…trying to mask the inner pain with the pain on my skin… i know it wasn’t good nor normal but i kept on doin it because it makes me feel rather good…God… it wasnt normal, it’s beyond it actually.

i’m just thankful nowadays that i don’t have to scutter around lookin for a razor to cut my self… it was a scarry habit….yep, it was indeed….

goin back nights ago, i was literally alone… and i’m not used to be like that…noone to talk to, nobody to tell crazy stories…just me,alone..and the full moon… and it makes me think…where’s that damn razor…and i told my self “oh no! not again! no!”… i sent sms to some friends, trying to tell them i nid company…a few picked my signal (damn smart telecom for faulty system!!!)… thankfully…i fell asleep…never remembering nor putting into action what my crazy mind is telling me to do….

sigh*…what would be the next time that i’d be alone….

that’s why when i tell you i need company, damn i really need a company….i really need it…