After Ages of Nothing
October 4, 2008

barbara streisands’ song keeps ringing in my ears…it goes like ” it’s 3 in the morning…” which is actually true. yep it’s 3 am and i’m still up. why am i still up is the question i cant give an appropriate answer. hmm maybe i just wanna fill in the gap here on my blog. this has been untouched for more than a year and many times had it strucked me. i had this compulsion to let some things out, some things i shouldnt keep within myself. oh well nothing important, but i think i just need an exhaust for all those overwhelming, some a bit bothersome, things in me. but of course i wont spill everything out ( you wish haha). anyways, *sigh* i’ve never been very thankful to God for showering me a lot of blessings. it was a tough beginning of the year yet here i am, triumphant with every small battles i had for He was always at my side. Thank Thee.

i happened to see a movie, locally made, a while ago ( thru youtube) which strucked me in the heart. the story was not really that, ahmm how should i say this, complicated in a sense that an average person would find it very boring to watch. after all it was an indie film…the story just hit me, gave this little twitch in me. hey what can i do, im an emo person in reality ( note: long before the term “emo” was used excessively by young people ). it was just a plain old story of a friendship that went beyond that usual bond. i dunno how to describe it but it’s that (i hope you get what i mean). it’s just that i emphatized with the lead character that’s all. it’s what i also wanted. having a close friend that i could keep for life. and do some stupid stuffs together without regretting ‘em! HAHAHAHA

i kept on playing jeff buckley’s everybody here wants you (thanks to a friend of mine for sharing this song) and i cant help but internalize the song ( that’s me). i can relate to the lyrics. ” i know everybody here wants you, i know everybody here thinks he needs you”… yeah true true. i scorn at those people who feel they own you. i dunno what’s got to their minds but hey, you’re not their property. hahahaha i dunno what’s the root of this shitty feeling. maybe i’m just jealous coz you’re too popular to everybody. i dunno. i hate it when your attention is being stolen by everybody at the sidestream.or maybe… i.. if you only knew…. i can’t continue…i won’t… i’d be spilling a lot if…hehehe

earlier i have to console somebody, half sarcastically (sorry), he was quite at a loosing side. i told him it was karma, he didnt believe me. so i told him maybe the whole incident happened to teach him to value those little persons around him. not that he’d only run unto them if he needed them. i dunno if understood what i said but he added that he have to keep himself from fully loving somebody and keep a little for himself. ah! the problem with love. i believe that every situation teaches something. something happened for a reason as they say. we all just have to live with it. i know it’s easy for me to say but hey, been there done that. oh well so sorry for you.

my eyes are killing me now but i still feel that i’ve not yet reached the purpose of this write up. there’s a lot of things still inside me that are crying out to b heard or read, or be understood. i hope sombedy would be dumb enough to read this.

i guess im returning to the old me…same old emo,senti idiot i’ve always been. who cares, right?  oh well maybe someone does, and hopefully “you” do.